Home

Welcome to the new McHelmski.com!

2009 04-19 Welcome everyone, to one of our bi-yearly updates! There's plenty of new content to enjoy for all our loyal visitors. Which brings us to a request. We're not exactly sure who our loyal visitors exactly are. If you enjoy the content on this site, visit regularly checking for updates, and would like to see content updated more often, please leave a message on our message board. Even if you don't have much to say, leave a message anyway, since we're trying to gauge how many visitors we have. Thanks, and enjoy! Penguins: "You should write a story where a penguin and a unicorn become friends." This simple request quickly turned into the basis for a story about a terrible war waged between the forces of frolicking, fantasy, forest creatures and frozen, flightless birds. (Note: Like everything else by Chris Wilhelm, it is not to be taken literally, figuratively, or metaphorically. Thank you.) Evil Overlord: At long last, Chris Wilhelm has updated his Choose Your Own Adventure story with an additional 30+ pages. Read and laugh as you role-play the greatest villain the world has ever known. Or the worst villain the world has ever known. It's all up to you, really. So, you'd better do a good job, or you'll never take over the world. (Note: Reading this story will not actually allow you to take over the world. The author denies all liability for any delusions of grandeur the reader may experience upon completion of the story.) Voicemail: John has once again dug around in the crumbled ruins of his old cell phone to bring you some more of the delectable goodies that once resided there in the form of bizarre voicemail messages. Listen on, in hopes of understanding just why it is that John looks at his phone in disbelief and shakes his head in disgust so frequently. (Note: The views and opinions expressed in John's voicemails do no necessarily reflect the opinions of John, the Madison Heights Department of Parks and Rec, or God.)

 

2008 07-06 A mid-summer update! Thanks to Chris's writing genius and John's stockpile of voicemail messages, we have some fresh new content for your enjoyment! The Adventures of Ryan, 104-106: Chris Wilhelm contines the ongoing saga of Ryan with an additional three episodes. Thrill to Ryan's trip to the drive-thru. Chill to Ryan's journey to a Halloween party. And come up with another word that rhymes with "ill" as you explore Ryan's dreamscape. Truly, no adventures have ever been as action packed. John's Voicemail: A new set of voicemails for your listening pleasure. 04-27 Just a minor update to let you know the Message Board is now up and running. 04-06 A new year is upon us (four months ago), and that means that McHelmski has updated once again! This update includes a cornucopia of goodies from Chris Wilhelm, as well as an FAQ for all those uninformed on McHelmski's origins. Also, John has managed to download some of his best voicemails to the computer. Lastly, the Message Board should be working again soon. FAQ: What's that? You say you're not familiar with the gentlemen who run this website? Well, have we got a treat for you! Now introducing McHelmski's official FAQ, explaining all the wonders that are McHelmski. The Adventures of Ryan: This came about from a simple suggestion: one of Chris Wilhelm's friends was really drunk, and demanded that Chris write a cartoon about him. And thus, The Adventures of Ryan was born. Included in this update are the first three episodes, with more sure to follow, as Ryan happens to go on many adventures. Evil Overlord: Based on a series of web conversations, Evil Overlord is Chris Wilhelm's first attempt at a Choose Your Own Adventure style story. In this story, you play the role of an evil overlord, as you attempt to take over the planet. Think you have what it takes to mastermind an evil scheme and turn the world into your helpless slaves? Find out! John's Voicemail: A new series, John Zalewski has compiled a collection of voicemails saved from as far back as the summer of 2005! Some are brief and some, well, not so brief, but they should all bring some sort of enjoyment to your aural receptors.

2007 09-05 McHelmski.com is finally a reality! Thanks to all our fans (probably about 5 of you) who have supported us for the last 4 years. Tell all your friends about us! 2 Guys: Pregnancy is a look at the miracle of immaculate conception, and the hardships that it creates. Come, fair reader, and indulge your visual senses with yet another masterpiece by McHelmski's own Chris Wilhelm. The Message Board has been updated and is working! Please leave us a message once you're there. 06-12 This is the most massive update to date! We have recently been spammed! We hope you all like musical instruments, womens clothing, and hot webcam girls. The Heroes page has been large-ified, including a picture for Brandon, as well as background stories for each character! This page can be found in the Life section of the website. Also, almost a year after initial recording, we have managed to produce and post a video filmed in California last summer! Chris visited John during his internship out there, and this is what the two creative minds were able to come up with. This is located in the newly renamed Music & Video section. Look to future updates for commentary tracks! A new writing by Chris Wilhelm has also been posted. Have you ever been sitting around, thinking to yourself, "Hot damn there are a lot of singing rodents! I wonder which one is the best..." Well, now you don't have to worry about it any longer, as a list of the ten best singing rodents has already been compiled for you. Rejoice as you read through it to discover who made the cut, and who is merely a second-rate rodent wannabe. Head on over to the Writings section to enjoy this fine piece of literature.

2006 12-25 Two updates in one year! Merry Christmas! This has been our biggest update since the re-design of the website. This update includes three new writings, as well as the beginning of our Heroes section, which may have future implementations. Lamentations of an Overlooked RPG Character - LoaORPGC is a look inside the mind of one of those RPG characters. You know the ones I mean: the crappy guy that you always get near the beginning of the game, but he sucks so bad that you never use him as soon as you get better characters. For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, you may want to skip this story, as much of the humor will be lost on you. Vampires - This is perhaps the beginning of a series of AIM conversations that we felt were amusing enough to share with others. Regardless as to whether or not we choose to pursue this idea, it should provide some insight into the way in which our creative juices get flowing. 3 Guys: Puding - This is a dialogue I wrote, partially based off several real-life conversations between my brother Matt, Dave (who used to live across the hall from me), and myself. See if you can figure out who's who! It's an adventure! 07-24 For our first update in over a year, indulge yourself in our newest addition, Adventures in California! This compelling autobiographical re-telling, masterminded by Chris Wilhelm, is a thrilling, action-packed, and disturbingly horrific look inside the mind of Chris Wilhelm and his unique ability of fictitous recollection. This new work can be found under the Writings section. Also updated links on the Life page.

2005 07-05 Added a message board that works this time! Check it out and post a message. Finished the music, life, photos, and writings section of the site. Posted the site online. 07-01 Re-designed website. The old website has been glorified in our Archives page.