3 Guys: Pudding

Guy 1: So, what’s your fascination with pudding? I mean, seriously, you’re eating pudding every time I’ve ever seen you.

Guy 2: Yeah, it’s part of the Oedipus complex.

Guy 1: The Oedipus complex?

Guy 2: Yeah.

Guy 1: The urge to kill your father and marry your mother?

Guy 2: Yeah.

Guy 1: What the hell does that have to do with eating pudding?

Guy 2: See, my mother died during childbirth. I never knew her. So, instead of killing my father and marrying my mother, I instead had to kill my father and be lonely. The pudding helps me with the loneliness.

Guy 1: That’s idiotic.

Guy 2: Fuck you! You think you’re better than me, just because you have a mom?

Guy 3: So now, wait. You killed your father?

Guy 1: No, you don’t actually kill your father. It’s figurative. So’s the part where you marry your mother.

Guy 2: But I didn’t marry my mother. I told you, I fell in love with pudding.

Guy 3: Figuratively?

Guy 2: Physically.

Guy 1: What!?

Guy 2: Oh yeah, man. You fill up a leather glove with pudding and just go to town.

Guy 1: DUDE!

Guy 3: But, wouldn’t that be cold?

Guy 1: Don’t encourage him.

Guy 2: See, you’d think that, but I find the cold to actually be more stimulating.

Guy 1: …..

Guy 3: Dude, that’s fucked up.

Guy 2: Maybe it is. Maybe that’s a problem I have. Maybe I need to work on that.

Guy 1: You fuck pudding. I think that goes beyond having a problem.

Guy 2: I don’t fuck pudding. I make love to it.

Guy 3: I think that’s somehow worse.

Guy 2: Fuck you. You think you’re perfect? You’ve never done anything slightly weird?

Guy 1: Slightly weird? Dude, you fuck pudding.

Guy 2: Yeah, and you collect floor tiles.

Guy 1: That’s hardly the same thing.

Guy 2: It’s exactly the same thing. We both have weird hobbies.

Guy 3: I’m still confused. Why did you have to kill your father so you could have sex with pudding?

Guy 1: He didn’t actually kill his father. It’s a Freudian thing.

Guy 2: What kind of a name is Freud?

Guy 1: It’s German.

Guy 2: That sucks.

Guy 1: What?

Guy 2: Freud. That’s a stupid name. He should have been named something like Edgar.

Guy 1: Edgar?

Guy 2: Yeah man. Edgar would be badass.

Guy 3: Edgar’s not badass.

Guy 2: Your mother’s not badass.

Guy 3: Yeah… that’s true.

Guy 1: No, really. Edgar’s not badass.

Guy 2: Edgar is the most badass name ever.

Guy 1: No it isn’t.

Guy 2: You know what? Fuck you guys. I’m going out to get some more pudding.