You have decided to kill God. It’s the only sensible thing to do, really. God is responsible for not only your own suffering, but for the suffering of every person on the planet. You’d be doing the world a service by eliminating the cruel dictator in the clouds.

Oh, yes. The clouds. How is it you plan to get there? It’s not as if God is going to come to you. Most people go their whole lives without so much as a postcard from God, so it’s highly unlikely that he’ll drop everything and pay you a visit, just so you can kill him. No, you’ll need to seek him out.

Since God lives in Heaven, it stands to reason that you’ll need to be dead. So, the only way to kill God is to first kill yourself. You search around, trying to find just the right thing. You manage to come up with a handgun and a bucket full of water.

• Do you shoot yourself?
• Do you drown yourself?