“I’m going to drop you into my shark tank,” you say, “where I anticipate my sharks, which have been genetically engineered to be able to fire a rifle, will shoot and then eat you.” You push the large button on your desk. The floor beneath Lovemonger opens up, and drops him into your shark tank. There is a satisfying splash as he hits the water.

But something’s wrong. You don’t hear Lovemonger’s screams of agony, and the water isn’t becoming stained with his blood. You require a closer inspection.

You walk over to the edge and look down. It seems that your sharks, being immensely stupid, attempted to eat their guns. Every single one of them choked to death and is now floating on top of the water. You stare down at this, completely unsure of what to do next.

Lovemonger shouts up at you. “Hey guy, you look like you could use a hug.”

And with that, you finally break down and start weeping.

Try again, Loser!