You decide to sacrifice the duck. You carry it over to the middle of the circle, pull out your sacrificial dagger (which you earned for selling the most magazine subscriptions all those years ago at Li’l Delinquents Camp), and eviscerate the duck.

Nothing happens.

You try spreading the entrails around the circle, trying to find some sort of message in the gore. Unfortunately, you are completely untrained in the art of haruspicy, so whatever message is hidden there is imperceptible to you.

Still, nothing happens.

In a last, desperate attempt, you make a festive hat out of the duck’s remains and wear it while doing a jaunty dance.

Still, nothing happens. You decide to go take a shower, and to never tell anyone about the day’s proceedings.

Try again, Loser!