You lay in your bed, looking up at the ceiling. It’s five in the afternoon, but you’re just getting up. You peer over the side, checking carefully that no goblins are present underneath the bed. Satisfied that no goblins have taken residence beneath your furniture, you get up and stretch. You gaze lazily over at your calendar, and notice that it’s the 32nd of March. That date floats through your head for a few seconds, seeking significance. Then it hits you. March 32nd! That’s International Toilet Brush Day! For the second year in a row you allowed it to sneak up on you. Well, you ought to celebrate this most wondrous of holidays. You muse to yourself, trying to decide how best to celebrate. Then, suddenly, an idea strikes you: you’ll use your obvious and unquestionable genius to take over the world. Oh, but which of your genius plans will you use to take over the planet?

• Will you build a matter transmuter in order to change the world’s populace into genetically altered half-man creatures?
• Will you summon an army of demons to help you achieve global conquest?
• Will you hire an army of evil clowns and set up an amusement park of doom?
• Will you finally give in and seek psychiatric help?