What does it matter who you test it on, so long as it gets tested? You decide to just grab the first person who walks past your home.

Conveniently, just as you come to this conclusion, the doorbell rings. You smile wickedly to yourself and race to answer the door. Upon opening it, you discover a balloon delivery man. Before he can explain his reason for being there, you bash him over the head with a nearby potted plant and drag him inside. You strap him into the transmuter and turn it on.

* * *

When the balloon delivery man awakens, the transformation is already complete. He looks down at his new body, and an expression of horror crosses his face. He attempts to say something, but struggles to use his new mouth parts.

“Yes, that’s right,” you say to him, anticipating his question. “I turned you into a man-lobster.”

“But,” the balloon man finally says, which is amazing considering lobsters don’t have lips, “without my hands, I am unable to deliver you your balloon.” He holds up his new pincer to illustrate the point.

“What? But I really wanted a balloon,” you say, your lower lip beginning to tremble. “Give me my balloon.”

“No, I’m afraid I can’t. My lobster claws make deliveries of any sort nearly impossible, but particularly balloon deliveries.”

“No!” you shout. “It isn’t fair!” You run to your bedroom and slam the door. All your thoughts of world domination are forgotten as you cry yourself to sleep.

Try again, you big baby!