You lead Ms. Awesome up to your bedroom, and motion her through the door. As she admires her new surroundings, you signal for your guards to leave the room.

“So,” she says, “shall we begin?” She spins around suddenly to face you, and as she does so, she drives her knee into your groin. You manage a weak grunt as you drop to your knees, clutching your shattered manhood, and watch helplessly as Ms. Awesome runs from the room.

A few moments later, the Black Queen enters the room. You weakly look up at her from the floor, and attempt to rise. She places a booted foot on your shoulder and forces you back down. “I find your lack of loyalty disturbing,” she says to you. “It’s unfortunate that the young woman that was just in your chambers killed you before she escaped.”

You shoot your wife a quizzical look as you attempt to figure out what she is talking about. However, the realization soon hits you when you notice the dagger in her gloved hand.

“Now, wait a minute,” you manage to sputter, but you never finish the thought, as your Queen’s blade slashes through your throat.

Nice try, Don Juan. Start over!