Chris Wilhelm’s Top Ten Singing Rodents

10. Mighty Mouse – As far as singing rodents are concerned, Mighty Mouse was pretty sweet. He had super strength, he could fly, he had X-ray vision, and he could manipulate his contrail as though it were solid matter. Sure, he was essentially just a Superman parody, but his cry of “Here I come to save the day!” is one of the most known and most beloved in cartoon history.

9. Speedy Gonzales – Not only is Speedy Gonzales the fastest rodent of all time, he’s also the fastest Mexican stereotype of all time. But he was really smart, too. He was always outsmarting cats and buzzards and anyone else who wanted to eat him. Granted, he didn’t sing often, but he did sing. More importantly, he sang for a purpose: wooing the ladies. And really, I can think of very few uses for singing more important than that one.

8. Jaq – Jaq is mostly known for his appearance in Disney’s Cinderella, though he’s made appearances in other Disney cartoons as well. He speaks (and thus, sings) in this awkward French-accented English that makes him somewhat unintelligible. But that “Cinderella” song (pronounced by Jaq as “Cindarelli”) is damned catchy. Jaq also had a sidekick named Gus, but Gus was really, really stupid. And fat.

7. Mickey – Mickey Mouse is, in many ways, the pioneer for singing rodents everywhere. If it weren’t for Mickey, none of the other rodents on this list would exist. He is the living embodiment of everything a singing rodent should be. He’s got a sweet house, and some pretty kickass (albeit, stupid) friends. However, he loses points for having a girlfriend with an obnoxious voice. I think he could do better. Maybe he has low self-esteem?

6. Alvin and the Chipmunks – Easily the most annoying entry on this list, Alvin and the Chipmunks are singing rodents and not much else. Their whole show was centered around them singing. And when the writers couldn’t come up with an episode in which the Chipmunks entered into some sort of talent show or singing competition (usually against their rivals and girlfriends, The Chippettes), they would instead find a reason to throw in a popular rock song re-sung by the Chipmunks. (I have seen the future of horror, and it is Alvin wearing a leather jacket and singing “Bad.”) And for the record, Dave pisses me off. He’s always getting down on Alvin, and it’s uncalled for. The little guy was just excited about getting a hula hoop: perfectly acceptable response. No reason to get bent out of shape over it. Dave needs Prozac.

5. Chip and Dale – Originally appearing as antagonists to both Pluto and Donald Duck, Chip and Dale (or Chip ‘n’ Dale, as they’re more commonly known) eventually got their own show: The Rescue Rangers. Chip was always portrayed as the smart one, and Dale as the dumb one. However, I still preferred Dale. He was more laid-back than Chip, and he wore that awesome Hawaiian shirt. Nothing says, “I am an awesome cartoon character” than a Hawaiian shirt.

4. The Dormouse – Though an extremely minor character, The Dormouse is still an incredible singing rodent. He is known for the highly bizarre song “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Bat,” known for it’s improper grammar and odd imagery. (The Dormouse also participated in “The Unbirthday Song.”) Now, let’s go over the facts. First, The Dormouse lives inside of a teapot. Second, he is constantly falling asleep, despite the fact that he lives at a tea party and presumably consumes caffeinated tea on a regular basis. Finally, he sings really bizarre songs. So, why is The Dormouse such an awesome singing rodent? Because he’s a freeloading, substance abusing, narcoleptic singing rodent, that’s why.

3. Rizzo the Rat – Co-narrator for The Muppets’ Christmas Carol, Rizzo the Rat is friend and sidekick to Gonzo. Rizzo is not, however, the only Muppet rat, and it is not uncommon to see entire gangs of singing, dancing rat puppets. Rizzo is known for his sarcastic mannerisms and Jersey accent, and often acts as the voice of reason for some of Gonzo’s more ridiculous ideas. Anyone who has ever seen The Muppets’ Christmas Carol and doesn’t love this character probably doesn’t have a heart. Or is a cyborg.

2. The Sponge Monkeys – While mostly known for their weird, mildly frightening appearance, and their commercial for Quizno’s sandwiches, the Sponge Monkeys are a regular staple of the Rather Good website. Making their singing debut with “We Like the Moon,” a surreal account of all the wonders the moon has to offer us, they have since gone on to assist The Blode and his friends. The Sponge Monkeys, along with The Crab of Ineffible Wisdom and the Nazi Cat, are the website’s most popular characters. Did I mention that they like the moon? ‘Cause they do. (But not as much as cheese.)

1. Pinky and the Brain – Would-be world conquerors, Pinky and the Brain were a regular feature on the show The Animaniacs before later getting a show of their own. While the vast majority of episodes featured the duo attempting to take over all or part of the world (and usually being defeated either by their own ineptitude or their rodent rival Snowball the Hamster), they would occasionally take some time to relax and sing a song or two. Most notably is The Brain’s response to Yakko singing the names of all the countries in the world on The Animaniacs. In this song, appropriately titled “Brainstem,” The Brain sings all of the different parts of the brain, while Pinky accompanies him by singing the only part that he is able to name: the brainstem.